Relationships can make you feel on top of the world, relationships can also make you feel like you’re under a very heavy rock. The end of a relationship can bring relief or stress depending on the trials of tribulations that occurred during its tenure. Which ever way, splitting from your other half is rarely amicable, and a lot of the time it seems like a break up is the start of a game of mental chess. Who can make the other jealous? Who can show how unbothered they are the most? This of course, leads to some pretty fantastic stories that will make you wince with cringe. So with out further a do, here is sorry splits: 10 break up stories that will make you reconsider relationships!
1
Sorry Splits: A Test Of Loyalty
Beatrice, 25
“I broke up with my boyfriend because he was always putting me through tests to show my loyalty. Well, a few weeks later, I heard that he’d overdosed on pills from his parents’ medicine cabinet and died. I felt horrible, like it was all my fault. I didn’t even have the heart to reach out to his family or attend his funeral. But the day after the funeral, I got a text from his number…
And it turns out, HE WASN’T DEAD! He never overdosed — it was just another one of his tests to see how I would react. This dude literally FAKED HIS OWN DEATH…then sent me a text that said, ‘Just so you know, I’m over you.'”
2
Sorry Splits: What’s Wrong With The Fridge?
Callum, 26
“It was two years ago, and I was in a committed relationship with a girl. One day, my girlfriend left a note on the fridge, “It’s not working anymore. I’m going to my mom’s place.” I was confused, because I opened the fridge and it was working fine. What the hell is she talking about? Later, I came to realize she left me. WE weren’t working. It had nothing to do with the fridge!”
3
Sorry Splits: Skype Scare
Dan, 27
“In my long distance relationship I was having a Skype date with my girlfriend at the time and then I see a man walking naked from the bathroom behind her. Then he waved at me as he passed. She hung up on me and we never spoke to each other again.”
4
Sorry Splits: Double Dump
Christian, 32
“I was just thinking about this the other day, actually. In my mid-20s I had been dating a girl seriously for almost a year. We were watching a movie in my townhouse one night, and she was acting really weird, kind of distant and standoffish, which was very unlike her normal behaviour. As it started to get late she told me she had to go back to her apartment, which was also unusual since she typically stayed at my place several nights a week, and certainly if we were hanging out late at night. But I told her goodbye, and didn’t think that much of it. The next morning I went to feed my dog, who pretty much lived in the backyard during the nice times of the year, but he was nowhere to be found.
I knew he wiggled under the fence sometimes, and although I had made efforts to patch up/chicken wire the weak spots he would still sometimes find a way to get out. So I went to the front door, figuring he might be out in the neighbourhood somewhere. As I opened the front door, I was greeted by the site of my dead dog on the porch, with a note from my girlfriend saying she was breaking up with me and sorry about the dog. Apparently in her haste to get away from me the night before she had accidentally run over poor Jonny Johnson, who had been lying behind her car in the driveway. So, yeah. Pretty much the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.”
5
Sorry Splits: Cleaning House
Melisa, 37
“A friend of mine’s daughter had her fiancé take her engagement ring back to the jeweller to be cleaned. My friend went to pick it up and found out that since the account was in his name he would have to pick it up. She lets him know and heads home. At home she arrives to find his best friend waiting in her driveway explaining that it wasn’t going to work and that not to contact him because he was really upset about all that had happened. She went on Facebook the next day to find his status changed to “single” and the following day to “engaged”. Then finds a picture of her ex fiancé with a new woman wearing her ring! What a brazen asshole!”
6
Sorry Splits: So Who’s Matt?
Rachel, 29
“I was with a guy for three years. I had to move to a nearby city for a job, but we tried to maintain a semi-long distance relationship.
One weekend he comes to visit me, I had a bad cold, but we still had sex (sex with that guy was pretty amazing). The next day he broke up with me out of the blue. Wouldn’t tell me why, or what was wrong.
I stayed friends with him, and a few months later he asked, “So, who’s Matt?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
Turns out, during sex I was moaning, “Oh man! Oh man!” but due to my headcold it came out as “Oh Matt! Oh Matt!”
Obviously we had some deeper issues, like lack of communication and trust. We did stay friends for a few years after this happened and the running joke was, “I’m going to go hang out with my buddy Matt now.””
7
Sorry Splits: Friends With Benefits
Kenny, 23
“I found out my girlfriend of 5 years and the guitar player of my band had been spending a little “extra” time on the side. Without saying anything about what I knew I told her we needed to take a break. A week later we played a show with a ton of our friends from high school in the crowd including her. So I decided to dedicate our song “friends with benefits” to the both of them and called them out for fucking right as we started the song. She beelined for the door immediately. It felt amazing.”
8
Sorry Splits: Double Agent
Carly, 34
“I had a boyfriend all throughout high school. He was so respectful and totally understood that I wasn’t ready to do anything past a casual make out. The boy never pressured me for anything physical. He was in theatre with me, really funny, and generally dressed well. I thought I’d hit the jackpot.
We went to separate colleges and mine started a week before his. The first week I told my new roommates I had a boyfriend and it would be long distance for a little bit. They thought it was so romantic that we were staying together.
The day his parents dropped him off at school, he called. I was ready to hear all about the move-in. Instead, he broke up with me! But it didn’t go how I thought it would.
“Thanks so much little duck for all these years! I wouldn’t have made it through high school without you, seriously! I’m so glad we’re free to date other people now. I need your dorm address so I can send you some stuff of yours and some flowers I got you. I will never forget your kindness.”
“What? Why are you breaking up with me?” hysterical crying
“Haha, good one. I hope we both meet great guys. Bye!”
Then it hit me – he was gay! Everyone knew but me! I didn’t date again until nearly the end of college, and I made sure he wanted to sleep with me.”
9
Sorry Splits: Meeting With The Boys
Craig, 35
“I shit you not, this happened to me. I was visiting my now ex-gf. Her and her mother were at work, and her siblings at school, so I was alone in the house when someone knocks on the door. When I open it 4 guys are looking at me, one of them asks “Are you name‘s boyfriend?”. For a moment I was dead scared that these guys were here to mug me for whatever reason, but I nod saying yes. The one of them then said “So are we”. As my mind explodes in a wtf’ness, I manage to invite them in for a cup of coffee, while they explain what’s going on. I was told how dude 1 had seen our ex with dude 2 at a party they were all attending. He confronted the other guy the day after, and together they came to the conclusion, that if she had 2 bf’s, why not more? so they started doing some research, finding 2 other guys and me.
A good half an hour after they arrived the ex came home, from the hall she called “Hello hun'”, and as she walked into the kitchen we all replied “Hi darling”. She went blank-face, didn’t move or say anything for 10 seconds or so, before hurrying off to the bathroom where she stayed for 2 hours. When finally she mustered her courage to come out, all 5 of us broke up with her and left. I still talk to one of the other guys from time to time.”
10
Sorry Splits: Confirmation
Amber, 20
“My friend’s ex was begging him to take her back after she broke it off a few months before. Paul was resolute, polite, and strong-willed, until finally she went in to kiss him, hoping that her touch would earn him back. Paul allowed the kiss to occur, looked her in the eyes, then turned to the side and threw up all over the floor.
She left.”
There you have it! If you’re currently going through it with your other half, I hope these stories show you’re not alone. They may even make you feel better about your situation! If you want to take a look at the t-shirt that inspired this blog please click here. Want to read more funny break up stories? Please click here. If you’re ever struggling with a relationship, just remember you were perfectly fine before you met them, so the same thing applies to after. Keep busy, keep your head up and live for the future not the past!
