Stag do – lads on tour – last night of freedom – the celebration of tying the knot has many names, but only one objective: give the groom a worthy send off to single life, in the form of alcohol, embarrassing t-shirts and chaos. Whether it’s a trip abroad, a few nights on the UK seafront, or a memorable night in a big city, stag dos have often been coined the best night of a mans life (besides the wedding – of course!). As you can imagine, in all the drunk hysteria, very often an event will occur that will be told for the rest of your time on this earth. So without further ado, here is 10 stag jokes/stories to make you want to get hitched just for the party!
1
Stag Do – Eyes On The Prize
Many stag partygoers might have blurry vision by the time they stumble into a strip club. But one reveller was reportedly left permanently seeing double after being accidently kicked in the eye by a stripper’s high heel.
Michael Ireland from South Florida won $650,000 in a settlement for the injuries he suffered following the incident in 2008, so he’ll have plenty more dollar notes to stuff down lap-dancers’ underwear in future. Plus, he’ll pretty much be getting two for the price of one if his vision hasn’t cleared up!
2
Stag Do – An Evening Of Class And Intelligence
How can you turn your scruffy looking stag party into the world’s most intelligent stag group? Just add Stephen Hawking of course! Groom Chris Hallam and his mates were partying in the Professor’s hometown when they spotted the cosmologist and genius getting out of a car with his son. The greatest genius of the age then posed with the stags while they were dressed as Banana men. Hawking must have been cursing himself for changing out of his banana suit just before he left the house.
3
Stag Do – Education On Infidelity
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket, when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?
She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?
No , she replies, I’m your son’s English Teacher.
4
Stag Do – Injury Time
After a few beers the stag was feeling slightly worse for wear and fell over in the street. One of the group was a doctor and decided to plaster the stags leg. So, basically the groom spent 2 weeks in a cast which meant he was on crutches. The wedding party even went to the trouble of adjusting the grooms suit to accommodate the cast.
Despite this the wedding went well, all until the drunk best man got on the mic to thank everyone for coming. Also, to tell the groom he had not actually broken his leg at all….it was just a joke! Basically they did it intending to tell him before the wedding but it all went too far and they bottled it. Obviously this ended up with one pissed off bride as the wedding photos had been ruined due to the fact the groom was on crutches, not to mention the trouble of adjusting the grooms suit and the two weeks he had spent hobbling around on crutches.
5
Stag Do – Armed Police
One Canadian stag party’s prank plans nearly took a turn for the worse when the groom ended up coming face to face with armed police. London McHardy’s friend’s planned to kidnap the groom and had gone to a lot of trouble, fake weapons, balaclavas, baseball bats, etc. They had already been told by the groom’s fiancé where the spare key to his house was, so wearing their disguises they let themselves in and sat down to wait for the unsuspecting groom to return. However six neighbours called police after seeing masked men walk into McHardy’s house. Sniffer dogs, a police helicopter and four police officers arrived with guns drawn. They gave the best man and his pals a real grilling once the mix up was discovered!
6
Stag Do – Holy Shit
If you’re going to dress up as nuns, then prepare to face the consequences if you don’t match their saintly behaviour. A group of men on a stag weekend from Bristol aged from 18 all the way to 65 were arrested in 2009 while ‘avin’ it large in Malia, being charged with “scandal and misrepresentation of a costume or uniform” after flashing their bottoms while wearing the holy garbs. Luckily for them, their prayers were answered. They walked free when nobody showed up in court to testify that their behaviour was actually offensive.
7
Stag Do – Corona Violation
Here is a short story from one very unfortunate groom:
“Five go mad in Prague.
And drink, a lot.
I pass out, as one does without that faithful gram of beak to mitigate the effects of 10+ pints.
Some wag thinks it’s a good laugh stripping me naked and taping my snoozing carcass to a lamppost.
My friends aren’t certain how long they abandon me for – the consensus is around 20 minutes.
When they return to cut me down they discover something bone-chilling.
A passing reveller has forced a bottle of Corona into my slumbering anus.
Really deep, too – pretty much all the way.
The label is entirely obscured, apparently.
I awake in considerable distress.
In a hospital across town doctors tease the offending vessel out with forceps. There’s still some beer in it, somehow, and a sad little wedge of lime.
I have so many questions.
Like, why didn’t the guy at least finish his beer first?”
8
Stag Do – The Thief
Kit, 34.
“15 of us decided to visit Hamburg for the stag. At one point, the gentle giant of the group, Ted, thought his wallet had been nicked, and stormed out looking for it. Then he went missing for the whole night.
We’d all forgotten about him and our phones died. We got up at 10AM the next day for our first drink, and in stepped Ted with a bloodstained T-shirt and a black eye, looking fucked. As he stormed off looking for this thief he bumped into a policeman and was pissed as fuck, so pushed the copper out the way, then turned and smashed his face into the cop van, hence the bloody nose and eye. He crumpled to the floor, got cuffed and spent the night in a cell!”
9
Stag Do – Shitty Situation
Nigel, 37.
“So there were nine of us altogether. The plan was to tour Portsmouth, Southampton and the Isle of Wight. We were on a boat trip and started drinking at 6AM, when we were making our way to Portsmouth. We weren’t pissed beyond vision, just enjoying a steady stream of alcohol. But because it’s a constant stream you don’t realise how much you’ve drunk.
We were all pretty fucked but woke up the next day on a boat. Our mate needed to poo, but the boat hit a ridge and he got wedged in between his bed and a table, and shit himself. He tried to go to the toilet but it was too late, so when he got out the toilet he fell over naked and did more shit in his bed and a mate’s bed. He tried to wash it out with the shower but filled the boat with shit water. Then we all noticed the smell of shit as we were on top of the boat, looked in, and he’s butt naked, bent over with a big red arsehole, pooing. Then we had to clean the entire boat. Magical.”
10
Stag Do – A New Beard
In Sweden they do things a little differently. The stag do isn’t a planned affair. The revellers pretty much kidnap the groom on the day of their choosing without him being informed previously.
This story follows one such soon-to-be-wed Swedish chap. They kidnapped him and took him aboard a small yacht. They glued a fake seamen’s beard to him and spent the day drinking fine drinks and eating fine foods. Nice and civilised.
Once back on shore the gang went for a sauna as is the norm in those parts of the world. This is where things took a turn for the worst for the groom. He walked into the sauna and noticed that all of his friends were 100% pubeless. Then he remembered the false beard he had been sporting all day. Not so pleasant after all.
Stags can go three directions, a dream or a nightmare, or both! Either way, you won’t forget yours in a while that’s for sure. Just remember, it’s probably not a good idea to reminisce on your wedding day! Whilst the stags are crazy and outlandish, It is worth mentioning that the Hen do’s can be just as wild, sometimes even worse… So a word of advice when it comes to exchanging stories of the big night with your other half, do not ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. If yours is on the horizon, whether it’s Krakow, Portsmouth or the trusty local boozer, make it a night to cherish, leave no stone (or pint glass) unturned. If you want to purchase the t-shirt that inspired these jokes, please click HERE, Happy stagging!
