Football, soccer, the beautiful game. Whatever you call it, the most popular sport in the world really is everywhere. Growing up in England, if you didn’t have a ball at your feet by the age of 8 you were either disabled or gifted with the athletic ability of a no legged giraffe. Growing up playing, you’ll realise there’s a certain comedy that comes with the game. Funny football. Whether that’s a 22 man royal rumble on a Saturday afternoon or your star striker getting a taxi straight from the nightclub to the ground on a Sunday morning, the game we all know and love will give you memories that stay forever (for good and bad). So on that note, here’s 6 hilarious football stories that will stay with you way past the final whistle.
1
FUNNY FOOTBALL: LEICESTER VS FOREST RIVALRY
A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in the east midlands and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a Nottingham Forest fan. She asks her
students to raise their hands if they, too, are Forest fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: ‘Mary, why didn’t
you raise
your hand?’
‘Because I’m not a Forest fan’, she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: ‘Well if you’re not a Forest fan, then who are you a fan of?’
‘I’m a Leicester fan, and proud of it’, Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
‘Mary, why, pray tell, are you a fan of the Foxes?’
‘Because my mum and dad are from Leicester, and my mum is a City fan and my dad is a City fan,
so I’m a City fan too!’
‘Well, ‘said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, ‘that’s
no reason for you to be a Leicester fan. You don’t
have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your mum
was a prostitute and you dad was a drug dealer and car thief, what what you be then?’
‘Then’, Mary smiled, ‘I’d be a Forest fan.’
2
FUNNY FOOTBALL: HOOLIGAN PRIEST
An Ipswich van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Norwich City fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous green and yellow colours. He would
swerve to hit them, there would be a loud ‘thud’
and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and
pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, ‘Where are you going, Father?’
I’m going to say mass at St. Joseph’s
church, about 2 miles down the road’
replied the priest. ‘No problem Father! I’ll give
you a lift! climb in!’
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road.
Suddenly the driver saw a Norwich fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit
him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the Norwich fan. However even though he was certain he missed the Norwich fan, he still
heard a loud ‘thud’. Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn’t
see anything he turned to the priest and said, ‘I’m sorry Father, I almost hit that Norwich fan, ‘
That’s
okay’
replied the priest. ‘I got him with the door!’
3
FUNNY FOOTBALL: UNWATCHABLE
The new manager of our struggling football team is strict and won’t stand any nonsense.
Last Saturday, he caught two fans climbing over the stadium wall and was angry with them.
He grabbed them and said: “Get back in there and watch the game until it finishes!”
4
FUNNY FOOTBALL: A HUSBANDS PRIORITIES
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”
The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”
5
FUNNY FOOTBALL: AN ACT OF BRAVERY
A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greets him and says: “Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good.”
The man racks his brains for a few minutes and then admits to St. Peter that he hasn’t done anything particularly good in his life.
“Well,” says St. Peter, “have you done anything particularly brave in your life?”
“Yes, I have,” replies the man proudly.
St. Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
So the man explains, “I was refereeing this important match between Liverpool and Manchester United at Anfield. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Kop end.”
“Yes,” responded St. Peter, “I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you perhaps tell me when this took place?”
“Certainly,” the man replied, “about three minutes ago.”
6
FUNNY FOOTBALL: A MAN VS A NATION
Argentina are due to play Scotland away, in a friendly. Messi walks into the changing room and sees everyone looking pretty unhappy.
Messi: “Hey guys what’s up?”
Di Maria: “Scotland is so depressing, we just can’t find the motivation to play”
Messi: “You know what guys, I reckon I can beat Scotland by myself, you guys head down to the pub and I will see you after the match”.
The players are reluctant to let Messi play by himself but end up going to the pub. The match kicks off just as they’ve got the first round in, one of the players gets the barman to turn onto the scores. The scores says Scotland – 0 Argentina 1 (Messi, 11 minutes).
Di Maria and the players go mad, “he’s beating a whole team by himself!” They proceed to get the drinks in quickly and soon forget about the match.
Later on they remember and get the barman to turn on the scores again to see: Scotland – 1 (Brown, 89 minutes) Argentina – 1 (Messi, 11 minutes.)
Once again they go mad and rush back to the stadium, there they see Messi with his head in his hands looking sad. “Hey Lionel, why are you so sad, you got a draw against a whole team!”
Messi: “Sorry lads, I let you down”
Di Maria: “How?”
Messi: “I got sent off after 12 minutes”
Some very funny stories. Football is for everyone. Whether you’re black, white, male, female, gay, straight, the beautiful game welcomes all. Funny football stories are a part of the game in todays age and I am glad we could bless you with a few of them today. If you want to take a look at the t-shirt that inspired this weeks t-shirts tales then please go to the link HERE. Have a great day people, be back next week for another loads of laughs to get you smiling! Keep a close eye on t-shirt tales, big things to come!
