You hear it all the time. My ex is this, my ex did that. In their eyes, everyone is a saint when it comes to past relationships, although in reality the truth lies somewhere down the middle of both conflicting recollections. There is however, the occasional occurrence where a person is not exaggerating and their ex is in fact, absolutely bonkers. We of course are here to tell you all about these lunatics and their antics after a break up, when they just can’t let their old other half live in peace. So without further a do, we at PrintShirts bring you Crazy Chicks: 10 psycho ex stories to keep you single for summer! WARNING: Heavy cringe, read at your own risk…
1
Crazy Chicks: Baby Time
Brick, 25
“I broke up with a girl, I use the term broke up with loosely because I thought we were friends with benefits and she took it a little more serious.
Anyways, she said that she was pregnant, I know, only a little crazy. But she maintained this for about 9 months, she would send me pictures of ultra sounds, and after the baby was born, she’d send pictures of her breastfeeding, and in little outfits. She maintained all of this until the baby was about a week old and I asked for the paperwork to have the kid added to my benefits, and a DNA test.
Once I tried to do what I thought was the right thing, despite my freaking the fuck out, it came out that it was her friends baby. Fucking bitch was nuts!”
2
Crazy Chicks: The Nightmare Knifer
Kamron, 29
“I told her to leave my house after I found out she had cheated. She grabbed a large knife from the kitchen and charged at me with it. I knocked it out of her hands and almost lost my finger in the process. She picked up the knife from the floor and cut her own wrist. It was the deepest cut I had ever seen. I grabbed some paper towels and duck tape and wrapped her arm about 100x. Quickly I got her in the car and drove through a snowstorm to the hospital. I dropped her off and told myself I was done with her. Still traumatized by that night.”
3
Crazy Chicks: The Adulterer
Richard, 34
“Dated a super-manipulator. Lied the entire time we dated.
Found out she cheated on me with her boss. That was what started to peel away her false exterior.
Soon after found out she was addicted to painkillers when I had to miss work to go pick her up from her job, where she had a seizure. Found out eventually she took a mystery pill she found. Her excuse for using pills? She claimed to have miscarried (hint hint, she didn’t and was never even pregnant) and couldn’t cope.
Found out the boss wasn’t an isolated incident, she was also fucking my neighbour, randoms from the internet, had a 55 year old sugar daddy, AND an ex-con (who was giving her free pills).
Routinely would cause fights with me and attack me physically, and due to her small stature (4’10”) I had no choice but to leave when it would happen. So she would cut herself to get me not to.
Signed me up for joint credit cards without my permission, then maxed them, to the tune of 10,000 USD.
The final straw was when I finally got distance from her, she broke into my house to steal my dogs, and smashed some family heirlooms. Called the police and she just openly started punching me in the face in their presence. Got a no trespass order.
She married the ex-con who is back in prison. This absolved me somehow of the debt. I think. Either way it disappeared.”
4
Crazy Chicks: Relationship And The Robber
Sal, 22
“He stole my car keys and I believed I lost them. The first time I got back to my car from a movie with him while on a date. He had left for about 20 minutes twice during the movie. He ran off as soon as the movie was over and I got back and it was parked in a different spot, smelled like cigarettes and there were other people’s clothes in it. I was so shocked I drove home and was too scared to tell my parents because I wasn’t supposed to be at the movies. It was so unbelievable I didn’t know what to say or do.
The second time it happened, I asked him if I could park in his driveway because he lived right by my school and I had lost my parking privileges at the school and he was the only person I knew so close to campus. I got back from class and my car smelled like weed, all the gas was gone, seat was moved. I called the cops and he told them that I gave him permission. His word against mine so they dropped it. He ended up going to jail for robbing an ATM not long after.
He stole the remote to my family’s front gate so he had access to my house at all times. We had to get an expensive security panel installed after that.
Once I told him I was leaving my house to get coffee with my friend. I’d forgotten something so we drove back and I saw him walking towards my house with a duffel bag and someone I’d never seen before.
The cops told me that they were very familiar with him and that he was a sociopath. I had to change my phone number and was terrified for months that I would run into him again.”
5
Crazy Chicks: Small Fury
Brent, 23
“In my senior year of high school I had an ex wait in front of my house for an hour. She thought I was home so she kept ringing my doorbell. So I came home from practice and saw her bawling her eyes out begging me to take her back. I of course said no. She was kind of a cliché so she threatened to kill herself and tell all of my friends she was pregnant with my child. I laughingly told her to, “fuck off”. This is where I saw a side of her I had no idea existed.
This 5’2 chick gets in boxer stance and puts her fists up, ready to brawl. I was stunned, so she takes a swing at my face and misses the first time. Surprisingly didn’t have it in me to harm a pregnant, suicidal 17 year-old so I start backing off. I try to get inside my house when she jumps on my back piggyback style trying to choke me out and take me down. (I’m not afraid to admit I was getting my ass kicked). I finally break free and get inside my house. That was the last time I saw her. She ended up keeping true to her threats, told all of my friends she was preggers. Jesus fucking christ, what a fucking headache. Left me a scar to remember me of all of our good times.”
6
Crazy Chicks: Brotherly Love
Balcony, 21
“So basically her and her brother were always pretty close and latch onto each other. I never seemed unhealthy until one day I was over at their house and they started play wrestling. Her finishing move on him was to grab his dong and yank on it.
That should have been my first clue there was something off about the two of them.
Then there was one weekend where they said they were going to go away for the weekend. I had to work so I didn’t think much of it. This day I stopped by her place on the way home from work to drop off a DVD in her mailbox. I get there and put in In the mail box and am about to turn around and leave when I hear something coming from their basement window. Thinking they may have left the tv on I just peek into the window. And then I see the two of them going at each other like dogs on a front lawn.
It’s kinda hazy after this but next thing I know I’m at home drinking one of my dad’s beers trying to process what I had just seen. The next day at school I confronted her about it and instead of an answer I just got a look of hatred and she walked away. Naturally I assumed it was over.
The next day in the middle of class I get called down to the principals office and am greeted by a police officer who told me I was being charged for stalking and harassment of my now ex girlfriend. She told the police that I had been following her around school and threatening her ( and I shit you not one of her complaints was that I “looked at her”). Needless to say the charges were disproved and dropped”
7
Crazy Chicks: The Maniac Of The Freemasons
Maya, 37
“I dated a guy that was into esoterism and things like that. He was into freemasonry groups, templars and god knows what else. he liked to brag about the rituals they did and show me the cloths they had to wear (capes, masks and other things).
We dated in summer 2012, mosquitoes like my skin and so I had a lot of mosquitoes bites. he wanted to convince me that it was the job of some kind of “grey alien” that enjoyed to abduct me during the night.
We broke up cause I didn’t want to move to Australia before 12/12/12 (apparently someone in one of his groups convinced him that Australia was supposed to be the only place that would survive to 12/12/12) The day before he Left for Australia he rang me up and said I had to go to Egypt with him and conceive a kid inside a pyramid because astrologically that day and that place have some kind of esoteric meaning and so we would have a kid with super power.
I said no.”
8
Crazy Chicks: Doggy Daycare
Frank, 46
“She asked me to take care of her dog even after we were broken up and barely spoke. I agreed to because she couldn’t find anyone else. The dog was an absolute monster and long story short I texted her and told her the dog was awful and she told me I should kill myself and if I talked bad about her dog again she’d murder me. Glad I did her a favour.”
9
Crazy Chicks: The Insane Invader
Barry, 30
“She moved out and kept a key. I was renting and didn’t make any lock changes.
About a month later one day I come home and find her sitting in the dark silently in the lounge.
She had searched all my stuff and found condoms or something which set her off.
Started smashing all my shit just literally shoving everything off every shelf and table.
Then she did the most insane thing I have witnessed – ran to the neighbors yelling “help! help! help!” and told them I had bashed her – Of course I never touched her or even came close to her.
I had to call the cops and explain once they arrived – luckily they believed me mostly thanks to her story being full of holes and obviously there being no marks on her.”
10
Crazy Chicks: A Rose Between Thorns
Muck, 24
“He left roses on my car almost every night for four months after we broke up. The guy would sit outside my apartment and wait for me to get home from work late at night (I was a cocktail waitress at the time, getting home around 3 AM) and then put letters in my mailbox. He would send me texts about how he liked my new haircut, etc. I had to have bouncers from my job escort me home every night. Every time I blocked his number, he would pick up a burner phone and continue to contact me.
Finally got him to leave me alone by going to his commanding officer in the Navy, after the VA police wouldn’t let me take out a protective order because they said I couldn’t prove my life was in danger…despite text messages and letters from him saying that things would be better if we were both dead because then we could be together forever.
I would never wish that particular kind of terror on anyone. Three years later he still asks mutual friends about me whenever possible.
We only dated for three goddamn months.”
Relationships and exes very rarely end amicably, but these stories put a whole new meaning into the ‘my ex is a psycho’ remark. Whether you’re going through a break up, struggling to get over someone, or just hating being single, thank your lucky stars you haven’t encountered on this list in your life time. I think it goes with out saying, in this day and age, people should definitely be doing more background checks! If you want to buy the t-shirt that inspired this blog then please click here. If you want to read more crazy ex stories then please click here. Thanks for reading, make sure to tune in next time for more hilarious stories!
